Events. Huge topic. So many of you have commented on them. Lemme ramble first. I grew up with parents who got married simply and elegantly. A HUGE wedding was for the society pages. Rockefellers, Kennedys, Johnsons……..or the oil baron in town who wanted to show that he was a “made man” and could throw any type of party for his beloved baby girl. There were also lower divorce rates, but I digress. We now live in the 21st Century, where people MORTGAGE THEIR HOUSES, and blow their LIFE SAVINGS to have a party. It’s so far beyond insane that it’s impossible to comment on.

The most lavish wedding I have been to was on a Saturday night at the Beverly Hills Hotel, 400 people, 30 piece orchestra, blah blah blah……easily $700,000……guess how long the marriage lasted——that’s right—-FOUR MONTHS…….I bumped into the bride a year later…”When did you know”, I asked. “Walking down the aisle actually, but you saw it, how could I have stopped it?”

Three best weddings I’ve been to:

1)My friends at their family home in Gloucester, Massachusetts, overlooking the water after the ceremony in the 300 year old church down the street….tons of bars, they had recorded all their favorite music for the dance floor, and their were buffets all over the place with simple great food laid out all day, and a rowboat filled with ice and cold seafood…..it probably cost under $20,000 for the whole thing and it was an absolute blast…….

2)Two friends who are literally music royalty, at another music royals home (free is my guess), amazingly lovely decor, great food, and of course amazing music…..if they spent $40,000 I would be amazed, and it was the best time of all……

3)My friends rented one of those great mid-century modern houses in Palm Springs, had beautiful italian globe lighting above, a horseshoe table for the 70 people, great food and drink and a pool…..delightful….

I’ve also been to amazing alternative location weddings in burned out buildings, weddings on Sundays at closed restaurants (like half the price), old hotels that are actually hidden jewels, etc etc etc…..

Here’s the thing, and my opinion…..NOBODY remembers what the cake looks like, what the invitation looked like, what kind of champagne there was for the toast, what the centerpieces looked like, what the friggin MONOGRAMMED cocktail napkins looked like…..and on and on and on……it’s sheer madness…….spend the money on food and drink and music, and a good photographer (which is what you actually take home with you, by the way….), and spend the rest on a downpayment for a HOUSE……..

As for Bar-Mitzvah’s…..my god….I have seen some scary stuff. Unless your child is ACTUALLY, ON PAPER, PROVEN to be the Messiah, and prepared to lead the world into peace, starting with settling all conflicts in the Middle-East and all disagreements between religions throughout the world, while at the same time curing MS, cancer, HIV, malaria, and all hunger…..then CALM THE HELL DOWN. What we ALL remember about a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, or I imagine a confirmation as well….is the CHILD, how they speak, carry themselves, and what kind of adult they are going to become, THAT’S what we remember, without exception……

I could go on and on, but my point is made.

In summary…..great wedding=celebration of love with family and friends, completely reasonable to spend whatever makes THAT come true. Savings=UNLIMITED.

p.s. Pumpkins are $5.99 at Do-It-Center Hardware in Burbank this week, a far cry from the $30 at many local pumpkin patches (where Nathen and I are GOING, but for the scary house and the petting zoo, not for the $30 oversized gourd)…….

WG